Originally published in 2015:
It’s Thursday and I usually do Thursday thoughts but I don’t know if my brain can function to put enough thoughts to make sense. Today my be just my ramblings…
I’m so thankful that I have an amazing family who has been here for me every step of the way with this journey of finding my new normal of life with a Chronic Illness.
If you’re just reading this for the first time I had been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroid disease back in 1994 when I was pregnant with my son. The specialist gave my a prescription and said I’d start to feel better in a few weeks BUT I do remember him saying my antibodies were almost 600000, yes SIX HUNDRED THOUSAND! That’s not normal even with Hashimoto’s I would come to learn. I had no idea that other than the fatigue and hair falling out was there any more issues I would need to be worried about. It wasn’t until years and years later that I would learn that my thyroid wasn’t controlled with that one little pill.
I learned a few years ago that I wasn’t being controlled properly with Synthroid and I was having more and more symptoms. One of those symptoms was depression and it was just the blues here and there and I fought through it without knowing what it really was or admitting it to myself.
After my son, we lost a baby but not in the usually way of a miscarriage. I had to go and have a missed miscarriage. What is that you ask? Well, I was there for my 12-week ultrasound at 13 weeks and all excited to see my baby on the screen. The tech turned the screen quickly and I knew something was wrong. We were quickly sent to my doctor’s who had the task of explaining that our baby stopped growing somewhere between six and seven weeks but my body had not done its job and was holding onto a not viable pregnancy. I went to the hospital the next day and was no longer pregnant, I didn’t really grieve either and just hugged my toddler and ploughed on. You’ll get over it, they said. Well, it’s 19 years later and it still makes me cry.
We got the okay to try again and we got pregnant right away. At 7 weeks, it was all so new I woke up at 5 am and knew I’d had a miscarriage. We went to the doctors, the to the hospital where I had an ultrasound and had been informed that I would get to go home or be admitted. Well, they sent me back to my doctor’s with a sealed envelope. The doctor came into the room and was kind of shocked as to why we were there. My doctor read the letter and said, well you’re still pregnant! My husband asked how? The doctor calmly said, you lost a twin but the baby is still in jeopardy and you will need bed rest and ultrasounds every two weeks followed up at the doctors. We were in shock and it wasn’t until last night when my healthy beautiful daughter asked me if we grieved did I really think about it and my truthful answer to her was no we didn’t. For months we thought about it but we wanted to keep her safe and sound until she was ready to be born.
Right now, that beautiful baby is an 18-year-old woman and I love her to the moon and back but every time I see twins, I think of my angels in heaven.
My Angels on Earth
I just found out that my youngest is considered a Rainbow baby. A “rainbow baby” is a baby that is born following a miscarriage or stillbirth.
In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison.
The storm (pregnancy loss) has already happened and nothing can change that experience. Storm-clouds might still be overhead as the family continue to cope with the loss, but something colourful and bright has emerged from the darkness and misery.
Thyroid disorders have so many symptoms with fatigue and miscarriage are only a couple of those symptoms. There are over 300 hundred and Hypothyroid Mom has compiled a list and you should check it out… http://hypothyroidmom.com/300-hypothyroidism-symptoms-yes-really/
It wasn’t until four years ago that I started fighting for my right to try a different medication with my Endocrinologist. Doctors don’t like having a patient bring papers in with research but I did. He allowed me to “try” Thyroid by Erfa at 90 mgs and it was changed to the 125 mgs six months later and that has been my dose for the past few years. My T3, T4, Free T3, Free T4 are all within range and antibodies still run amok but nothing like 600K. I knew something was wrong with me when I still felt like crap which lead to more tests and my life today with not only Hashimoto’s but LADA, Lupus and Fibromyalgia.
My Story Isn’t Over Yet;
Dedicated to My Angels on Earth, Travis and Sierra and my angels in heaven.
Journey with me … mini2z