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chronic pain

    Depression and My Major Mood Swings

    Depression and My Major Mood Swings


    My depression has been worse than it’s been lately.  The least little thing sets me off, being alone most days all day gets me thinking too much and then when someone comes home I don’t want to talk to them.  More so if the question is. “what did you do today or what’s for dinner?”  Seriously, how are you?  How’s your pain and nausea levels?  Do you even want to eat?  A point of reference, I don’t eat much anymore and it has to be very bland and only a few things that I can eat.  As my depression ebbs and flows, I don’t feel that I can write.  I feel even more lost in my thoughts.  It doesn’t help that simple tasks have me finding that I’m having more and more memory issues.

    For the past few weeks, I’ve had a day here and there that the depression was worse or something made it worse and what was a good mood turned into me being a bitch.  I’ve lashed out at my best friend, who I miss with a vengeance and fear we will never be close again.  I’ve lashed out at my kids together and separately and said some mean things. Last night I lashed out at hubby and the kids.

    Last night I lashed out at hubby and the kids. Click To Tweet

    I’m home alone with the pupalups most days.  My family has school or work and leave the house at all different hours of the day.  I get not wanting to talk to me first thing before they go to school or work as I’m not a morning person either.  I’ve made an effort to be in the living room and that’s part in parcel with my back issues and sleeping on the couch.  I’m in the family nerve centre and only my husband talks to me and sometimes it’s that dinner question.  Some days, getting a shower is iffy because if I’m too dizzy I don’t want to try when home alone.  I’ve had too many falls lately.

    I just want my kids to spend a few minutes talking to me.  Tell me about your day, gripe about your day.

    I just want my kids to spend a few minutes talking to me.  Tell me about your day, gripe about your day.  I also want help.  I had to let the housekeeper go do to financial reasons and I can only do so much.  The company that is paying my long-term disability didn’t take enough or very little income tax off and it was a whopper of a bill that was due immediately. That bill had sent me into a deeper depression than I have been.  My one doctor keeps changing my appointments and he’s the doctor I really need to see.

    Pain and depression are closely related. Depression can cause pain — and pain can cause depression. Sometimes pain and depression create a vicious cycle in which pain worsens symptoms of depression, and then the resulting depression worsens feelings of pain.  Source:  MayoClinic.org

    I’m apologising to my friend, my kidlets, my husband and even my mother.  I’m sorry my depression has had me in a billion different moods.  I have no excuse for the way I’ve treated any of you.

    I am asking that if I ask you to do something in the house, please do it.  If I have to ask five or more times, then I’m going to lose it and yell.  No one likes me yelling but I shouldn’t have to ask six or more times to take out the garbage, cut the grass, bring a load of laundry up, clean your room, put your dishes in the dishwasher.  We all need to pitch in because I can’t do it all anymore.

    I’m in pain and you all know that but pain makes depression worse, worsening depression makes pain worse.  It’s an endless cycle.

    I'm deeply sorry to my family that I've hurt and my best friend who is going through her own battles and… Click To Tweet

    I’m deeply sorry to my family that I’ve hurt and my best friend who is going through her own battles and I compounded them.

    I can only try to do better.

    Journey with me … mini2z

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    Update on my But I Am Sick page …

    I currently have three autoimmune diseases and they are also invisible illnesses.

    I currently have three autoimmune diseases ... Click To Tweet

    Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis

    In 1994 when I was pregnant with my son I received my first autoimmune diagnosis for Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis.  I saw an endocrinologist when I was pregnant and then he dismissed me after.  I’ve only been under my family doctor’s care for most of the time.

    Type 1.5 Diabetes or Latent Autoimmune Diabetes in Adults or LADA

    In April of 2012, I received a diagnosis of Latent Autoimmune Diabetes in Adults or LADA as a short form.  I was first diagnosed as a type 2 but when I saw my new endo I was then told I was a LADA or a type 1.5 or a progressing type one. I had never heard of it but it’s the adult version of diabetes it just takes everyone a different amount of time for the body to kill the pancreas. I am currently on three different pills to control diabetes and have been begging for insulin for about a year now.

    Lupus

    In November of 2014, I was finally diagnosed with Lupus SLE.  It had been three years of feeling like I have the flu. No one test or person is the same with Lupus and mine seems to not like my liver. I get only a faint butterfly rash on my face and it comes and goes.  I’ve had times where I’ve slept for two days straight and taking a shower means I have to nap afterwards sometimes. I’ve been delayed being put on Plaquenil because of the liver issue that isn’t an issue.

    Fibromyalgia

    This is my Rheumatologist’s catch-all for my other symptoms.

    Chronic Pain

    I have chronic pain in my whole body.  I have it really bad in my joints from lupus and fibromyalgia.  I’m currently undergoing some nerve therapy shots to my back, hips and SI joints.

    Chronic Migraines

    My migraines have plagued me since I was in my early 20’s.  I got my first one about a month after a bump to the back of my head.  To this day my migraines still occur in that spot.  I’ve written a blog about the story of my migraines.  My current treatment is receiving Botox.  You can view that here.

    But I am sick, a diary of my invisible illnesses …

     

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    Botox for Migraines  – Yes, 24 needles 


    Botox for Migraines!  Yes, 24 Needles!

     

    Let’s go back in time a bit and I will give you a bit of history on my Migraines.

    When I was 24 or so, my then fiancée and I were horsing around and we slipped on the hardwood floor.  I went backwards and hit my head on the dining room table.  OUCH!  It hurt and I had an immediate headache, swelling and bruising.  Almost a month later I got my first migraine and it started where I hit my head.  I was in bed for almost three days and it was brutal because I had no clue what was going on.  I suffered through the next which was only a couple of weeks after that.  The next one landed me in the ER because the pain, nausea, vomiting, dizziness and desperate need to be in the dark was too much.  The ride to the hospital and waiting in the ER was torture but that’s when I was told it was a migraine.  They gave me a shot for pain and nausea along with two IV bags of fluids as I’d gotten dehydrated.  I was referred to a neurosurgeon who I saw in the hospital about three weeks later.  He confirmed that I had migraines but no it could not have happened to me by hitting my head.  I disagree with that but okay.  I had a diagnosis.  I found out that this is what my poppa had suffered from all his life.  I just always knew to be quiet if he was in his room with the blinds and doors closed.

    The diagnosis and journey with medication and trying to get the migraines under control before they start was long.  I didn’t get migraines while pregnant with either of my kidlets which was a godsend.  Migraines would come on without much warning that I could tell at the time.  Now, I get an aura (didn’t understand it back then) that I’ve always had prior to migraines.  We had tried Imitrex but it landed me in the ER with chest pains.  Fiorinal C1/4 would become the migraine medication that worked for me along with Gravol, which is an antiemetic.  Migraines have me in my room with room blackout blinds closed tight. ear plugs in with an ice pack on the back of my neck, antinausea medication, a flat ginger ale and pain medication.  Sleep and time are really the only things that work for me.  Over the years, I’ve done all the eliminations to try to find the triggers and the only one that I can find is chocolate.  I can have a couple of pieces, a chocolate bar or a piece of cake but if I have more I’ll pay for it later.  My other trigger is the weather.  It’s any change in the barometric pressure; rain – yes, snow – yes you name it, I get a migraine.

    That neurologist all those years ago was the only one I ever saw.  Fast forward to 2014 when my health took an even further nosedive when I started collecting specialists.  I was referred to a pain specialist and neurologist in 2015.  On December 19th I received a phone call reminding me of my Thursday appointment in just a couple of days.  I was pretty shocked because I’ve been meticulous about organising my appointments.  I confirmed it and put it on my schedule.  I was really impressed with the doctor from the get go.  Nice low lighting so as to not trigger migraines, comfy chairs (really important to a person with chronic pain) and short wait.  I was in the appointment for almost an hour and left with a prescription I had to try before my insurance would cover the Botox, a referral for an MRI and prescription for the Botox and a plan to work on getting my migraines under control.

    My follow-up appointment went well.  Just a few days later, I received a letter from my prescription insurer that they would cover the Botox and the guidelines.  I called the doctor’s office and yes for a cancellation got an appointment early the next week.  I had to bring $150 cash as OHIP doesn’t pay for the administering of the serum but it’s better than $1000.

    The big day came, my mom drove me.  I went to the pharmacy in the medical plaza because the doctor likes the serum to have just thawed.  I guess that’s the best way to use it and the doctor’s preference.  Again, waiting is only minutes.  Then he tells me about the 24 shots and the initial map that he uses on all patients the first time.  The second and subsequent visits would allow for the customization of the injection points.

    Then he tells me about the 24 shots Click To Tweet

    Side effects were very minimal for me.  I had some pain in my left ear area and will inform the doctor on my next visit.  As for the not being able to move my eyebrows properly, I haven’t seen this issue or for me, it’s a non-issue.

    My next appointment is in June and so far my migraines are still present and have not reduced in numbers.  Spring with the weather changes is always a horrible time for my migraines.

    Do you get migraines?  Are they affected by weather?  Have you tried Botox?  I hope you enjoyed reading my migraine journey and will share your migraine journey with me!

    Journey with me … mini2z

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