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    Depression and My Major Mood Swings

    Depression and My Major Mood Swings


    My depression has been worse than it’s been lately.  The least little thing sets me off, being alone most days all day gets me thinking too much and then when someone comes home I don’t want to talk to them.  More so if the question is. “what did you do today or what’s for dinner?”  Seriously, how are you?  How’s your pain and nausea levels?  Do you even want to eat?  A point of reference, I don’t eat much anymore and it has to be very bland and only a few things that I can eat.  As my depression ebbs and flows, I don’t feel that I can write.  I feel even more lost in my thoughts.  It doesn’t help that simple tasks have me finding that I’m having more and more memory issues.

    For the past few weeks, I’ve had a day here and there that the depression was worse or something made it worse and what was a good mood turned into me being a bitch.  I’ve lashed out at my best friend, who I miss with a vengeance and fear we will never be close again.  I’ve lashed out at my kids together and separately and said some mean things. Last night I lashed out at hubby and the kids.

    Last night I lashed out at hubby and the kids. Click To Tweet

    I’m home alone with the pupalups most days.  My family has school or work and leave the house at all different hours of the day.  I get not wanting to talk to me first thing before they go to school or work as I’m not a morning person either.  I’ve made an effort to be in the living room and that’s part in parcel with my back issues and sleeping on the couch.  I’m in the family nerve centre and only my husband talks to me and sometimes it’s that dinner question.  Some days, getting a shower is iffy because if I’m too dizzy I don’t want to try when home alone.  I’ve had too many falls lately.

    I just want my kids to spend a few minutes talking to me.  Tell me about your day, gripe about your day.

    I just want my kids to spend a few minutes talking to me.  Tell me about your day, gripe about your day.  I also want help.  I had to let the housekeeper go do to financial reasons and I can only do so much.  The company that is paying my long-term disability didn’t take enough or very little income tax off and it was a whopper of a bill that was due immediately. That bill had sent me into a deeper depression than I have been.  My one doctor keeps changing my appointments and he’s the doctor I really need to see.

    Pain and depression are closely related. Depression can cause pain — and pain can cause depression. Sometimes pain and depression create a vicious cycle in which pain worsens symptoms of depression, and then the resulting depression worsens feelings of pain.  Source:  MayoClinic.org

    I’m apologising to my friend, my kidlets, my husband and even my mother.  I’m sorry my depression has had me in a billion different moods.  I have no excuse for the way I’ve treated any of you.

    I am asking that if I ask you to do something in the house, please do it.  If I have to ask five or more times, then I’m going to lose it and yell.  No one likes me yelling but I shouldn’t have to ask six or more times to take out the garbage, cut the grass, bring a load of laundry up, clean your room, put your dishes in the dishwasher.  We all need to pitch in because I can’t do it all anymore.

    I’m in pain and you all know that but pain makes depression worse, worsening depression makes pain worse.  It’s an endless cycle.

    I'm deeply sorry to my family that I've hurt and my best friend who is going through her own battles and I compounded them. Click To Tweet

    I’m deeply sorry to my family that I’ve hurt and my best friend who is going through her own battles and I compounded them.

    I can only try to do better.

    Journey with me … mini2z

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    Blogger’s Writer’s Block – My Stuggle Is Real

     

    Blogger’s Writing Block – My Struggle Is Real

    I’ve only written blogs lately about products I’ve sampled.  I love writing. I love reading. I haven’t been able to enjoy either for quite a while.  I can’t remember what I’ve read, what I’m doing in the room, not even remembering why I’ve gone to a website.  Writing seems to flow when I’m focused or have a commitment to fulfill.  The struggle is real is a phrase that’s become so frequent from my daughter and her friend’s generation.  It’s a fitting phrase for those with chronic illness because the struggles we have are real.

    I have been asked to write a blog post on puppy updates and advise to give other op parents.  I completely misunderstood but it’s a topic near and dear to my heart.  Check out Ranger’s new Squirrel watching pose.  We got rid of the bush so he has a better view for watching.

     

    How have I been? 

    I saw my rheumatologist last Thursday and I got the cortisone shots in my hips.  My follow-up kidney functions came back good but I have to get some more laboratory tests this week just to double-check.  Since the shots have kicked in I’ve had a bit of energy everyday so I can get something done.  I saw my family doctor last week as well and everything thing I brought up, he said I needed to talk to my other doctors.  It was a pretty frustrating visit for me as I’m still waiting for a referral to the pain specialist.  I can’t get a change in my pain medications until I see that doctor and I’m still waiting for an appointment.  Waiting for a specialist is absolutely crazy.

    What have I been doing?

    I bought this French Wine box from the LCBO to see how their new home delivery was.  It was $12 and delivered by Canada Post.  I ordered on a Sunday night and had it by Tuesday mid-morning.  The Canada Post guys said that everyone has been saying how fast the shipping was.  Everything was well packed and labelled that it was breakable.  Because I was paying the delivery fee of $12, I grabbed a couple bottles of my favorite wines as well.

    LCBO

    The Discovery Box includes: Les Dauphins Côtes Du Rhône Reserve Red 2014, Georges Duboeuf Beaujolais 2008, F Lurton Fumées Blanches Sauvignon Blanc Vdf 2010, a set of 2 Ceramic Ramekins, a Cheese Knife Block Set, a set of Ceramic Chalkboard Cheese Markers and the LCBO France-to-Go booklet.  The box also included an invitation to sample the newly released vintage on November 18th.

    I’ve been getting some online Christmas present shopping done.  It’s pretty easy now that the kidlets are older.  My daughter asked for her Organic Chemistry book for Christmas, Umm okay then… That’s a first.  My son asked for clothes or a laptop he can actually type on it.

    My hubby caught me watching some Christmas movies yesterday.  He commented how its only November but wondered if they had made me cry.  Yep, crying at Hallmark movies, the commercials even make me cry!  I did find that it made me feel more like Christmas is coming that it feels.  It is currently another sunny day and pretty mild for November and I’m enjoying the sun streaming in.  I’ve also found a tv series called The Librarians on Crave TV.  It has Noah Wyle, Rebbeca Ramon and John Laroquette and well it’s the adventures of the Librarians and their saving History and artifacts.  It’s quirky and silly but it’s a fun watch.  I love history and the premise of time travel and even better, in January season three will be airing.

    OUT of Spoons

    Fibromyalgia, what is it?

    My fellow blogger friend, Ness from The Girl With Five Lads wrote a great blog post about what Fibromyalgia is. https://www.facebook.com/thegirlwiththefiveladsengland/posts/1816104628627260 

    For me Fibromyalgia was a “oh that’s Fibromyalgia in an off-hand sort of way from my previous Rheumatologist explained the non lupus pain.  The pressure points were like knife stabbing pains as the doctor pushed on them.  My joints hurt all the time but those pressure points were insane pain.  I’m taking Gababpentin in some pretty high doses but my doctor explained that because I can handle it that it can be increased.

    I hope you enjoyed my update and my wandering out of hibernation of ignoring my blogging with mush brain.

    Journey with me … mini2z


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    Monday Musings

     

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    My Top NINE from 2015 on mini2z’s Instagram

    Today I’m writing a wee bit late in the day as I had a doctor appointment this morning.  So today I’m musing about:

    • a few friends have updated their blogs and they look awesome so visit them at: Andi’s Attic and Hello Rigby
    • I’ve decided that I’m going to keep my living room the way it is and I want to make the wall a gallery wall.
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    • I’ve already cleaned up the board on the right with my “This is My Year” poster that came in my Happy Mail from A Beautiful Mess
    • I do want my Art Work from Bethany Joy Art to put on my wall too
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    • I’ve resolved that I want to send out cards and letters.  I like getting mail and I think I have a few friends that would too.  In fact, I received a just hello card in the mail today.
    • Today has been a good day, I’m on the right track as per the doctor and back to her in three weeks.
    • I got my first ever French manicure. I had ripped a nail and thought I might as well get them done.  It’s been one year since I stopped biting my nails.
    • Both my kidlets got everything settled for school for this semester and a second parking permit is needed hopefully they figure it out…
    • On the weekend my girlie and hubby made Chicken Tortilla Soup and I made a Steak stir fry, different days and then yesterday my girlie made some meatballs in the crock-pot.  Needless to say, we are having leftovers for supper tonight.
    • I can’t say how much I’ve missed my Barry’s Irish Tea.  My supply has been replenished for a few weeks.  Yes, my tea comes from Ireland.  It’s just the best tea ever.
    • My Pinterest year end came and I have over 60000 views per month.  I really only use my Pinterest to post travel tips, wanderlust and hammocks.  60K, that’s a LOT

    Journey with me … mini2z

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    ©mini2z

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