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Invisible Illness

    After The Storm

    After The Storm

    Somewhere, in my memory box is a poem called After The Storm that I wrote. I haven’t found that box and hope it survived our flood.  It also makes me think of the poem, After a While by Veronica A. Shoffstall and the blog I wrote featuring it titled: Hopeful.  

    What does this have to do with After the Storm?  Well, I will find the poem but the storm for me has been my health but more recently we experienced a catastrophic rainstorm.  We had almost seven inches of rain in less than three hours.  As a result of this storm, we flooded, in our yard and then in the house.  We also got rain from the roof that leaked as a result of the catastrophic windstorm in March.  (that’s another rant)

    Photo from the Windsor Star – link on photo

    What the Ditch/Drain is like normally

    We have this check valve or back up valve that is installed so we don’t get water.  Well, the valve failed.  At first, the water was just in the yard, on the street but then it came rushing up the drain in the floor.  When we moved into this house, it was covered with tinfoil.  The only water we’d had in 22 years was when the hose broke on our washer when we were out at a birthday party.  We have a wet/dry vacuum but it would fill in seconds but our son brought home a sump pump, then our son went to my grams to get her spare sump pump.  We had two pumps going in the basement and we were able to keep it to about 3-4 inches when our neighbours had a foot to a foot and a half of water.  On top of all this, we were getting leaks in the bathroom and kitchen.  The kitchen isn’t so bad but the bathroom is another story.  Our insurance company, Allstate, has been great.  Our basement is covered to our maximum allowed and because we did so much of the hauling of the wet and severely smelly carpet, boxes and clothes out to a bin we ordered, we will not have to pay the deductible.  The roof that was supposed to be replaced after March is now going back to the insurance company to reassess the damage because it now includes water damage that shouldn’t have been there.  We are waiting on that.  After the storm, we already have the cheque from Allstate and can start to put this part of our life back together.

    L-R, Backyard Lake, Flooded Road, Flooded basement, first pile of wet, soggy basement items, The Sasso Bin with load #2, the Red Sky at Night After the Storm

     

    I’m also working on my health.  My health storm isn’t over but I’m choosing to find the balance.  I’ve become a doTerra Wellness Advocate to save money on essential oils for my personal use but it’s become so much more to me.  I can look in every room of the house that and see doterra products, be it oils to shampoo, to soap to a diffuser or two.  Slowly, I’m adding more and more natural, healthy for me items into my life.  I’m excited about doterra and the direction it’s heading for me.  I have my now too small box of oils, a larger one is on my Amazon wishlist!  I have doterra products all over the house now, hand cream that is not greasy, soap and shampoo in the shower.  I plan on making my own bath bombs because the store bought ones are just too strong for me.  I have lemon and wild orange on my window sill for adding to water.

    I’m still getting nerve block shots in my head, neck, back and SI joints weekly.  The hope is to be able to go every two weeks soon.  I have scheduled the appointment to see my Endocrinologist so that we can all work to trying the LDN. I have every doctor on my team visits in the next two weeks, after trying to only schedule two per week.  It is actually exhausting getting ready, getting there on time only to wait for long periods of time.  I have been really out of sorts and finally figured out that I was doubling my iron pills and not taking my antidepressant.  Yeah, that was a really stupid thing.  Lesson learned, look at the actual label before filling up your Pill Drill for the week.  Our new mattress set will be delivered on Friday, so we are hoping for a great night’s sleep.

    Sleep, I need sleep, it’s just been so exhausting.

    mini2z … journey with me

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    Depression and My Major Mood Swings

    Depression and My Major Mood Swings


    My depression has been worse than it’s been lately.  The least little thing sets me off, being alone most days all day gets me thinking too much and then when someone comes home I don’t want to talk to them.  More so if the question is. “what did you do today or what’s for dinner?”  Seriously, how are you?  How’s your pain and nausea levels?  Do you even want to eat?  A point of reference, I don’t eat much anymore and it has to be very bland and only a few things that I can eat.  As my depression ebbs and flows, I don’t feel that I can write.  I feel even more lost in my thoughts.  It doesn’t help that simple tasks have me finding that I’m having more and more memory issues.

    For the past few weeks, I’ve had a day here and there that the depression was worse or something made it worse and what was a good mood turned into me being a bitch.  I’ve lashed out at my best friend, who I miss with a vengeance and fear we will never be close again.  I’ve lashed out at my kids together and separately and said some mean things. Last night I lashed out at hubby and the kids.

    Last night I lashed out at hubby and the kids. Click To Tweet

    I’m home alone with the pupalups most days.  My family has school or work and leave the house at all different hours of the day.  I get not wanting to talk to me first thing before they go to school or work as I’m not a morning person either.  I’ve made an effort to be in the living room and that’s part in parcel with my back issues and sleeping on the couch.  I’m in the family nerve centre and only my husband talks to me and sometimes it’s that dinner question.  Some days, getting a shower is iffy because if I’m too dizzy I don’t want to try when home alone.  I’ve had too many falls lately.

    I just want my kids to spend a few minutes talking to me.  Tell me about your day, gripe about your day.

    I just want my kids to spend a few minutes talking to me.  Tell me about your day, gripe about your day.  I also want help.  I had to let the housekeeper go do to financial reasons and I can only do so much.  The company that is paying my long-term disability didn’t take enough or very little income tax off and it was a whopper of a bill that was due immediately. That bill had sent me into a deeper depression than I have been.  My one doctor keeps changing my appointments and he’s the doctor I really need to see.

    Pain and depression are closely related. Depression can cause pain — and pain can cause depression. Sometimes pain and depression create a vicious cycle in which pain worsens symptoms of depression, and then the resulting depression worsens feelings of pain.  Source:  MayoClinic.org

    I’m apologising to my friend, my kidlets, my husband and even my mother.  I’m sorry my depression has had me in a billion different moods.  I have no excuse for the way I’ve treated any of you.

    I am asking that if I ask you to do something in the house, please do it.  If I have to ask five or more times, then I’m going to lose it and yell.  No one likes me yelling but I shouldn’t have to ask six or more times to take out the garbage, cut the grass, bring a load of laundry up, clean your room, put your dishes in the dishwasher.  We all need to pitch in because I can’t do it all anymore.

    I’m in pain and you all know that but pain makes depression worse, worsening depression makes pain worse.  It’s an endless cycle.

    I'm deeply sorry to my family that I've hurt and my best friend who is going through her own battles and… Click To Tweet

    I’m deeply sorry to my family that I’ve hurt and my best friend who is going through her own battles and I compounded them.

    I can only try to do better.

    Journey with me … mini2z

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    Update on my But I Am Sick page …

    I currently have three autoimmune diseases and they are also invisible illnesses.

    I currently have three autoimmune diseases ... Click To Tweet

    Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis

    In 1994 when I was pregnant with my son I received my first autoimmune diagnosis for Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis.  I saw an endocrinologist when I was pregnant and then he dismissed me after.  I’ve only been under my family doctor’s care for most of the time.

    Type 1.5 Diabetes or Latent Autoimmune Diabetes in Adults or LADA

    In April of 2012, I received a diagnosis of Latent Autoimmune Diabetes in Adults or LADA as a short form.  I was first diagnosed as a type 2 but when I saw my new endo I was then told I was a LADA or a type 1.5 or a progressing type one. I had never heard of it but it’s the adult version of diabetes it just takes everyone a different amount of time for the body to kill the pancreas. I am currently on three different pills to control diabetes and have been begging for insulin for about a year now.

    Lupus

    In November of 2014, I was finally diagnosed with Lupus SLE.  It had been three years of feeling like I have the flu. No one test or person is the same with Lupus and mine seems to not like my liver. I get only a faint butterfly rash on my face and it comes and goes.  I’ve had times where I’ve slept for two days straight and taking a shower means I have to nap afterwards sometimes. I’ve been delayed being put on Plaquenil because of the liver issue that isn’t an issue.

    Fibromyalgia

    This is my Rheumatologist’s catch-all for my other symptoms.

    Chronic Pain

    I have chronic pain in my whole body.  I have it really bad in my joints from lupus and fibromyalgia.  I’m currently undergoing some nerve therapy shots to my back, hips and SI joints.

    Chronic Migraines

    My migraines have plagued me since I was in my early 20’s.  I got my first one about a month after a bump to the back of my head.  To this day my migraines still occur in that spot.  I’ve written a blog about the story of my migraines.  My current treatment is receiving Botox.  You can view that here.

    But I am sick, a diary of my invisible illnesses …

     

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