Depression and My Major Mood Swings

Depression and My Major Mood Swings

My depression has been worse than it’s been lately.  The least little thing sets me off, being alone most days all day gets me thinking too much and then when someone comes home I don’t want to talk to them.  More so if the question is. “what did you do today or what’s for dinner?”  Seriously, how are you?  How’s your pain and nausea levels?  Do you even want to eat?  A point of reference, I don’t eat much anymore and it has to be very bland and only a few things that I can eat.  As my depression ebbs and flows, I don’t feel that I can write.  I feel even more lost in my thoughts.  It doesn’t help that simple tasks have me finding that I’m having more and more memory issues.

For the past few weeks, I’ve had a day here and there that the depression was worse or something made it worse and what was a good mood turned into me being a bitch.  I’ve lashed out at my best friend, who I miss with a vengeance and fear we will never be close again.  I’ve lashed out at my kids together and separately and said some mean things. Last night I lashed out at hubby and the kids.

Last night I lashed out at hubby and the kids. Click To Tweet

I’m home alone with the pupalups most days.  My family has school or work and leave the house at all different hours of the day.  I get not wanting to talk to me first thing before they go to school or work as I’m not a morning person either.  I’ve made an effort to be in the living room and that’s part in parcel with my back issues and sleeping on the couch.  I’m in the family nerve centre and only my husband talks to me and sometimes it’s that dinner question.  Some days, getting a shower is iffy because if I’m too dizzy I don’t want to try when home alone.  I’ve had too many falls lately.

I just want my kids to spend a few minutes talking to me.  Tell me about your day, gripe about your day.

I just want my kids to spend a few minutes talking to me.  Tell me about your day, gripe about your day.  I also want help.  I had to let the housekeeper go do to financial reasons and I can only do so much.  The company that is paying my long-term disability didn’t take enough or very little income tax off and it was a whopper of a bill that was due immediately. That bill had sent me into a deeper depression than I have been.  My one doctor keeps changing my appointments and he’s the doctor I really need to see.

Pain and depression are closely related. Depression can cause pain — and pain can cause depression. Sometimes pain and depression create a vicious cycle in which pain worsens symptoms of depression, and then the resulting depression worsens feelings of pain.  Source:

I’m apologising to my friend, my kidlets, my husband and even my mother.  I’m sorry my depression has had me in a billion different moods.  I have no excuse for the way I’ve treated any of you.

I am asking that if I ask you to do something in the house, please do it.  If I have to ask five or more times, then I’m going to lose it and yell.  No one likes me yelling but I shouldn’t have to ask six or more times to take out the garbage, cut the grass, bring a load of laundry up, clean your room, put your dishes in the dishwasher.  We all need to pitch in because I can’t do it all anymore.

I’m in pain and you all know that but pain makes depression worse, worsening depression makes pain worse.  It’s an endless cycle.

I'm deeply sorry to my family that I've hurt and my best friend who is going through her own battles and I compounded them. Click To Tweet

I’m deeply sorry to my family that I’ve hurt and my best friend who is going through her own battles and I compounded them.

I can only try to do better.

Journey with me … mini2z

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The LADA Journey …


The years in between my Hashimotos diagnosis and the next were a haze for me.  I was a wife, a mom, I worked full time and I caught every bug all the time.  The years were busy but I was always sick.  I thought it was picking up stuff because my job entailed me being in the public and the kids brought home all kinds of bugs over the years.  I don’t know when it was exactly but I remember feeling like I had the flu forever and continual migraines, lets NOT forget migraines.  My thyroid levels were checked frequently and adjustments made but I always was feeling like crap.  I had my appendix out and thought that some of the feeling like crap was when that was starting to go.  So many things all seemed to happen at once.

So this forever flu brought constant low grade fevers, nausea and frequent diarrhea.  If I had a fever, nausea or diarrhea I can’t work.  Some people may be able to but I can’t so I was the one from work who was “always sick” and was a let down to coworkers.

Diabetes was my next diagnosis.  In the beginning of 2012 the nausea, headaches and flu like symptoms just seemed to be endless.  I remember my husband testing my sugar one morning before I’d even had my morning tea.  Well my fasting sugar was 9.2 and that was high.  Called my doctor and got to see him within a couple days, more tests and metformin was started and yeah I got to add a new doctor to my team.  I was referred to an endocrinologist.  My sugars were all over the place, I was sick, I was losing weight and was a my lowest weight since before kids.

Latent autoimmune diabetes in adults (LADA) is a slow progressing form of autoimmune diabetes. Like type 1 diabetes, LADA occurs because your pancreas stops producing adequate insulin, most likely from some “insult” that slowly damages the insulin-producing cells in the pancreas. But unlike type 1 diabetes, with LADA, you often won’t need insulin for several months up to years after you’ve been diagnosed.

Source:  Mayo Clinic

The Endocrinologist and his nurse said I wasn’t a type 2 diabetic and it was the first time I’d heard the words LADA and type 1.5 and progressing Type 1.  I found out that I was a slowly progressing type one diabetic who could be managed on pills, diet changes for a few months to almost two decades.  The average is six years I was told.  A new medication was added, metformin was increased and I tried to cope.  I was off work for a few weeks on short term disability, we had recently gotten a puppy after our house being too quiet after our previous Labrador had left for the Rainbow Bridge.  I was feeling down but depressed wasn’t a word I could say.  My hubby begged me to go with him and Keely to her vet appointment.  It was sunny and he thought a drive would make me feel better.  He was trying to make me happy.  The day ended on a not so happy note and I went back to work way to early and hadn’t really digested that I was a diabetic.

One thing I did do was go gluten free because I thought that it would help get me better.  I thought if I just ate better I’d get better.  Yeah, that didn’t work.  I was still sick all the time.  My sugars were regular and any spikes would be from something I ate that I shouldn’t have.  I’m now on three pills with an A1c that is perfect in the eyes of my endocrinologist.  He’s given me another six month of just the pills and said that the my current issues which are the Lupus and Fibro are the “bastards”.  His words not mine.

Thanks for reading part two of my journey.  Part one is here if you missed it.  Part three is “the Bastards”.

Journey with me … mini2z


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Are you a Chronic Illness Blogger?


Are you a Chronic Illness Blogger?  Do you have a Chronic Illness and blog?  I joined the Chronic Illness bloggers last week.  I applied and truthfully I didn’t think they’d accept a little fish like me.  I have several Chronic Illnesses and I blog, therefore, I’m a Chronic Illness Blogger.

I’m proud to say, I was accepted and welcomed into the Chronic Illness Bloggers group. I have even had a blog shared by the network yesterday and for this little fish that was pretty cool.

Chronic Illness Bloggers is looking for YOU to join them!

Journey with me … mini2z

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