I wrote this just over a year ago as a writing assignment. My true loneliness of my isolation is raw.
I hope you enjoy reading and looking in my window for a little bit.
Kristin
mini2z … journey with me
I’ve spent a lot of time looking out windows in the past few years but more so this year. I think of the isolation I feel looking out into the world. I think of the fear of going out because on the outside I look fine but inside I hurt, I’m beyond tired and yet I try to put a smile on my face. I think of the loneliness that I feel even though I have four amazing family members living in the house with me and two pupalups that are always close by. I feel trapped inside and robbed of living a true life and will be stuck behind the window.
Yet, I open the blinds and let the light in every morning. If It’s a day I’m stuck in bed I have a fake window to look at and it’s pretty cool to picture myself in a hammock in the shade listening to the waves roll up on the beach.
This window makes me think of yesterday’s uncertainty and how I try to enjoy the simple things like a cup of tea, my kidlets coming and talking to me, a pupalup dropping a toy in my lap and the light that comes in from the window I’m looking out.
I’m grateful for those little things and even more so on a day when I find myself in bed exhausted after a nights sleep, in pain in every joint of my body, a headache and nausea that just never leaves me, I’m grateful for the sun that is coming in the window I’m looking out.
Day 4 writing assignment in writing 101
Journey with me … mini2z
©mini2z
31 Comments
Why have you isolated yourself?
What are pupalps?
This is a nicely written account Mini.
Anand 🙂
2015-09-10 at 09:46The pupalups are Keely & Ranger
2015-09-10 at 10:15I’ve been home on sick leave due to all the illnesses. I’m working on the anxiety of leaving the house because I don’t “look” sick my employer thinks I’m “faking” my illnesses
She Isolates herself for the same reason I do.
2015-09-10 at 18:14It was never intentional.
In my case, It was a way to get through the days of not feeling good. When I was just too tired to go to the park and try to work and then have to explain, shortly after I got there why I had to leave and go home.
When I didn’t look sick. When I looked like I usually did.Inside though, I could hardly move. It was an effort to just get up , get dressed and head to the park because I had promised to be there.
Then I just started staying home more and more. Not even trying because it would have been the same thing over again.
How can you rely on anyone when they don’t follow through on what they said they would?
You can’t.
So true Sarah! My Occupational Therapist is making my appointment at my yoga place because I haven’t been able to go since I’ve been sick. I have a hard time being anywhere outside alone, even in my own yard. She wants me to walk and the thought just makes me want to throw up. I’m a people person and love planning things. Example, my children did Irish dance for year, I was the secretary of the parents group and planned the annual recital and then became president and had to keep planning the recital. So I planned events for 400 people and talked in front of them all and I find it hard to leave the house alone now. This is what “invisible illness”, depression, anxiety of but you don’t look sick is.
2015-09-10 at 19:13I was active til 2 years ago. At the park, here, at 2 different churches, a community garden at the park and All sort of other volunteering projects all over. Now I can barely make it to the rabbit cage outside. And I panic doing that. But a week ago, I could walk that far.
2015-09-10 at 23:34Today was hard. Sitting here watching everyone leave for the tour of Rolling Meadows.
Danny was even going to take me in the Polaris but I couldn’t stop throwing up. So I sat here AND CRIED AND CRIED.
It is terrible.
Chemo Is Kicking my butt.
But you can kick it back! Did they give you something for nausea?
2015-09-11 at 00:02Yes but I couldn’t get it to stay down. If I can’t handle it Friday, then they will do the IV’S .
2015-09-11 at 00:04They will figure it out.
I hope you don’t have to do IV 😥
2015-09-11 at 00:06The day 5 isn’t making me feel inspired
2015-09-11 at 00:07I actually did look BAD today but most of the time I look good.
2015-09-10 at 23:35It Is awful.
I am really tired of it.
We try so hard to be positive.
People lie Anand really don’t get it.
My actual page should show my recent Instagram I took a selfie & smiled!
2015-09-11 at 00:03Yes, you are right Sarah. There is pain and suffering. Still, positivity is there and hope too. We should not lose it. May God give peace to all of us.
Love and light 🙂 <3
Anand
2015-09-11 at 01:41Love And light
2015-09-11 at 02:09Love and light eternal <3 <3 <3
2015-09-11 at 02:43Your story is deeply moving — heart-breaking, actually.
2015-09-10 at 09:51Hope it’s fiction.
(Love the terms “pupalup!” and “kidlet.” It’s funny because I call my dog, “Pupalump!” I, too, have called my child “kidlet,” but when she was younger, around five and six.)
Keep writing — I loved your story.
Sad to say it is not fiction! Thank you!
2015-09-10 at 10:16Her story is very real.
2015-09-10 at 18:16She lives it every day.
Thanks my sweet warrior sister!
2015-09-10 at 19:14We are warriors and we are sisters/ xxxx
2015-09-10 at 23:29So very painful! I’m glad that she (and you) have chosen this expressive and creative outlet. Writing is one of the most powerful ways of dealing with a painful reality, along with drawing and music.
2015-09-10 at 20:40I colour!! Adult colouring cathartic!!
2015-09-10 at 23:09I am glad I met Mini2z because she has become a close friend. Until we met, I wasn’t sharing that part of my life enough, especially since it has taken over my life right now.
2015-09-10 at 23:24Thank you for this. xxxxx
I can’t draw but I love music.
I am so sorry!
2015-09-10 at 10:22I hope your expressive narrative was cathartic for you…thanks for sharing…blessings!
2015-09-10 at 11:52It was very much so! Just wish writing would give me energy!
2015-09-10 at 12:50Guess who chose the same photo? You also know why.
2015-09-10 at 18:19I guess I don’t have to ask how you are doing today? I was praying one of us was feeling good.
I came here to get caught up with you and your blog.
Love and hugs.
I can give you a spoon. I have one left and I am NOT doing anything else tonight.
Love to you too! Se brought me to my Occupational therapy appointment and we went for groceries together. Lots of fruits and veggies in the house and the only “extras” were things for her to make homemade sushi (ewww)
2015-09-10 at 19:15YUMMY
2015-09-10 at 23:28I crave Sushi. I Use to eat it a lot with Bobby in Colorado Springs. Eating out and Delivery. OH I Miss Delivery and the money to spend on it.
Yes you’re in the middle of a park and nothing close but nature!
2015-09-11 at 00:01Yep
2015-09-11 at 00:02Reblogged this on mini2z and commented:
Not feeling like writing but I enjoyed the sun that was shining today as I was looking out.,,,
2016-02-06 at 18:18