Looking out

I wrote this just over a year ago as a writing assignment.  My true loneliness of my isolation is raw.

I hope you enjoy reading and looking in my window for a little bit.


mini2z … journey with me



I’ve spent a lot of time looking out windows in the past few years but more so this year.  I think of the isolation I feel looking out into the world.  I think of the fear of going out because on the outside I look fine but inside I hurt, I’m beyond tired and yet I try to put a smile on my face. I think of the loneliness that I feel even though I have four amazing family members living in the house with me and two pupalups that are always close by.  I feel trapped inside and robbed of living a true life and will be stuck behind the window.

Yet, I open the blinds and let the light in every morning.  If It’s a day I’m stuck in bed I have a fake window to look at and it’s pretty cool to picture myself in a hammock in the shade listening to the waves roll up on the beach.

This window makes me think of yesterday’s uncertainty and how I try to enjoy the simple things like a cup of tea, my kidlets coming and talking to me, a pupalup dropping a toy in my lap and the light that comes in from the window I’m looking out.

I’m grateful for those little things and even more so on a day when I find myself in bed exhausted after a nights sleep, in pain in every joint of my body, a headache and nausea that just never leaves me, I’m grateful for the sun that is coming in the window I’m looking out.

Day 4 writing assignment in writing 101

Journey with me … mini2z




Share Button
Previous Post Next Post

You may also like


  • Reply Vibrant

    Why have you isolated yourself?

    What are pupalps?

    This is a nicely written account Mini.

    Anand 🙂

    2015-09-10 at 09:46
    • Reply mini2z

      The pupalups are Keely & Ranger
      I’ve been home on sick leave due to all the illnesses. I’m working on the anxiety of leaving the house because I don’t “look” sick my employer thinks I’m “faking” my illnesses

      2015-09-10 at 10:15
    • Reply Sarah's Attic of Treasures

      She Isolates herself for the same reason I do.
      It was never intentional.
      In my case, It was a way to get through the days of not feeling good. When I was just too tired to go to the park and try to work and then have to explain, shortly after I got there why I had to leave and go home.
      When I didn’t look sick. When I looked like I usually did.Inside though, I could hardly move. It was an effort to just get up , get dressed and head to the park because I had promised to be there.
      Then I just started staying home more and more. Not even trying because it would have been the same thing over again.
      How can you rely on anyone when they don’t follow through on what they said they would?
      You can’t.

      2015-09-10 at 18:14
      • Reply mini2z

        So true Sarah! My Occupational Therapist is making my appointment at my yoga place because I haven’t been able to go since I’ve been sick. I have a hard time being anywhere outside alone, even in my own yard. She wants me to walk and the thought just makes me want to throw up. I’m a people person and love planning things. Example, my children did Irish dance for year, I was the secretary of the parents group and planned the annual recital and then became president and had to keep planning the recital. So I planned events for 400 people and talked in front of them all and I find it hard to leave the house alone now. This is what “invisible illness”, depression, anxiety of but you don’t look sick is.

        2015-09-10 at 19:13
        • Reply Sarah's Attic of Treasures

          I was active til 2 years ago. At the park, here, at 2 different churches, a community garden at the park and All sort of other volunteering projects all over. Now I can barely make it to the rabbit cage outside. And I panic doing that. But a week ago, I could walk that far.
          Today was hard. Sitting here watching everyone leave for the tour of Rolling Meadows.
          Danny was even going to take me in the Polaris but I couldn’t stop throwing up. So I sat here AND CRIED AND CRIED.
          It is terrible.
          Chemo Is Kicking my butt.

          2015-09-10 at 23:34
          • mini2z

            But you can kick it back! Did they give you something for nausea?

            2015-09-11 at 00:02
          • Sarah's Attic of Treasures

            Yes but I couldn’t get it to stay down. If I can’t handle it Friday, then they will do the IV’S .
            They will figure it out.

            2015-09-11 at 00:04
          • mini2z

            I hope you don’t have to do IV 😥

            2015-09-11 at 00:06
          • mini2z

            The day 5 isn’t making me feel inspired

            2015-09-11 at 00:07
        • Reply Sarah's Attic of Treasures

          I actually did look BAD today but most of the time I look good.
          It Is awful.
          I am really tired of it.
          We try so hard to be positive.
          People lie Anand really don’t get it.

          2015-09-10 at 23:35
          • mini2z

            My actual page should show my recent Instagram I took a selfie & smiled!

            2015-09-11 at 00:03
      • Reply Vibrant

        Yes, you are right Sarah. There is pain and suffering. Still, positivity is there and hope too. We should not lose it. May God give peace to all of us.

        Love and light 🙂 <3


        2015-09-11 at 01:41
  • Reply Dreamer of Dreams

    Your story is deeply moving — heart-breaking, actually.
    Hope it’s fiction.
    (Love the terms “pupalup!” and “kidlet.” It’s funny because I call my dog, “Pupalump!” I, too, have called my child “kidlet,” but when she was younger, around five and six.)
    Keep writing — I loved your story.

    2015-09-10 at 09:51
    • Reply mini2z

      Sad to say it is not fiction! Thank you!

      2015-09-10 at 10:16
    • Reply Sarah's Attic of Treasures

      Her story is very real.
      She lives it every day.

      2015-09-10 at 18:16
      • Reply mini2z

        Thanks my sweet warrior sister!

        2015-09-10 at 19:14
      • Reply Dreamer of Dreams

        So very painful! I’m glad that she (and you) have chosen this expressive and creative outlet. Writing is one of the most powerful ways of dealing with a painful reality, along with drawing and music.

        2015-09-10 at 20:40
        • Reply mini2z

          I colour!! Adult colouring cathartic!!

          2015-09-10 at 23:09
        • Reply Sarah's Attic of Treasures

          I am glad I met Mini2z because she has become a close friend. Until we met, I wasn’t sharing that part of my life enough, especially since it has taken over my life right now.
          Thank you for this. xxxxx
          I can’t draw but I love music.

          2015-09-10 at 23:24
  • Reply Dreamer of Dreams

    I am so sorry!

    2015-09-10 at 10:22
  • Reply Gina Blue

    I hope your expressive narrative was cathartic for you…thanks for sharing…blessings!

    2015-09-10 at 11:52
    • Reply mini2z

      It was very much so! Just wish writing would give me energy!

      2015-09-10 at 12:50
  • Reply Sarah's Attic of Treasures

    Guess who chose the same photo? You also know why.
    I guess I don’t have to ask how you are doing today? I was praying one of us was feeling good.
    I came here to get caught up with you and your blog.
    Love and hugs.
    I can give you a spoon. I have one left and I am NOT doing anything else tonight.

    2015-09-10 at 18:19
    • Reply mini2z

      Love to you too! Se brought me to my Occupational therapy appointment and we went for groceries together. Lots of fruits and veggies in the house and the only “extras” were things for her to make homemade sushi (ewww)

      2015-09-10 at 19:15
      • Reply Sarah's Attic of Treasures

        I crave Sushi. I Use to eat it a lot with Bobby in Colorado Springs. Eating out and Delivery. OH I Miss Delivery and the money to spend on it.

        2015-09-10 at 23:28
  • Reply mini2z

    Reblogged this on mini2z and commented:

    Not feeling like writing but I enjoyed the sun that was shining today as I was looking out.,,,

    2016-02-06 at 18:18
  • Thank you for visiting me at mini2z ... Journey with me and I hope to see you often xx

    %d bloggers like this: