I thought of this blog on Saturday and it’s almost next Saturday. I’ve started writing this a few times, my iPad has been open and closed several times all week. This past two weeks have been more painful with more migraines, searing joint pain and all around just depressed because of the pain. One of my doctors explained that pain causes the depression and more pain I have the worse the depression can be. Hence, the pain merry-go-round but there isn’t a damn thing merry about my mood and pain levels. Oh yeah, let’s not forget the never-ending nausea that I didn’t even have this much when I pregnant with both my children combined.
One of my doctors explained that pain causes the depression and more pain I have the worse the depression can be…
I also keep losing my though process. So I think of something I want to add and then poof it’s gone so I close the laptop and try again later. I have so many notes in my reminders via Suri but I look at them and they don’t make sense. Suri also seems to think she’s my daughter, if I call her by saying Sierra, Suri answers. It’s apparently called Fibro Fog, yep, my memory issues have a name.
I’ve been procrastinating not writing the blog, procrastination of making extra medical appointments, cleaning because of pain, laundry because my kids have barricaded our laundry room and getting the pupalups to PetSmart. So many things that need to be done but it’s really exhausting to think of so many things to do all at once. Just typing this is putting my anxiety level at a higher level.
Migraines, searing pain, new pain in just my right leg that is “likely” related to the current lupus and fibromyalgia flare. I don’t know if it’s the season or what is causing the migraines to multiply. The searing joints just keep burning with my right hip the most painful of all. The pain in my leg is just below my knee only on my right leg and it hasn’t been banged, bumped or otherwise hurt so there is no physical sign of what is causing the pain. Nausea almost the worst pain of all due to it being constant, causing pain in the stomach and flaring up the Gastritis. There are very few things I can eat that aren’t “too spicy” for me. I say for me because everyone else in my house says that whatever the food I think is spicy is “just fine”. My itchiness has come back, so I’m taking the Benadryl so I don’t break out in spots again. I also have found that smells really hit me hard now for example, I can’t stand the ripe smell of a banana.
I miss so many things like spending time with family, friends and just doing things I love. It’s been over a year and a half and I’m still searching for my new normal. How do I find it when the pain is constant? I don’t know but it’s what I need to figure out. After a busy week of appointments, I have only a day of appointments next week.
Do you feel like pain has you on a merry-go-round?
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Journey with me … mini2z